


in this broken home (build it back up)

by starlitsequins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Getting Back Together, Introspection, M/M, Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Reunions, canon compliant until season 7, just a bunch of feelings really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 05:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15405951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlitsequins/pseuds/starlitsequins
Summary: And Takashi...Takashi is there.He looks so different, with stark white hair and a prosthetic arm. His build is different too and a scar brands itself across the bridge of his nose.He's breathtaking.Adam's shaking legs brace himself against the wall and he can't help but stare and stare at Takashi, like a dying man in a desert to an oasis, because he could never have dreamed any of this up.From across the room, Takashi--beautiful, stunning,aliveTakashi-- turns his head slightly and their eyes lock.





	in this broken home (build it back up)

**Author's Note:**

> watch me change this summary 5 million times

Even before he leaves for Kerberos, Adam feels like he’s lost him.

He had been foolish in thinking he could keep Takashi close to him. He knows this, knows it’s partly selfishness that wants to cling on to Takashi and keep him grounded on Earth, keep him _safe_. Alive. 

It’s not what Takashi wants, but _god,_ it’s what he wants, and maybe that’s what had been breaking them apart long before this. Maybe it’s easier to sever whatever ties they have before it all falls apart in his hands, because remembering Takashi is a heck of a lot more painful than forgetting. 

“Adam,” Takashi says, in a last burst of desperation, and Adam loves him for it. He’s always fighting, always persistent to win, and Adam fell in love with him for it, but now it’s the cause for their break up. 

_Break up_. That sounds too trivial for whatever the fuck _this_ is.

“We can make this work,” Takashi said, and it’s almost a plea at this point. “I love you, but this is my _dream_. I can’t just--” He breaks off, frustrated. “I can’t just give it up for you.”

“I know,” Adam says, softly, because he’s lost energy for anything more vicious. “But seeing you put yourself in danger over and over again...it’s tearing me up, Takashi. I can’t go through this anymore. I love you, but I think...I think it’s easier this way. For both of us.”

“So when I come back…” Takashi says, and they both know it’s an _if_ , “When I come back, what will happen?”

Adam lowers his gaze, tears his arm out of Takashi’s grasp. “I won’t be waiting.”

He walks away, and Takashi doesn’t follow him. He can’t expect him to, but he feels disappointed all the same.

The launch for Kerberos occurs a week later, and Adam drowns himself in work. It may not be a healthy coping mechanism, but, hey, it’s a coping mechanism all the same, and that’s what counts.

Takashi had invited him to see him off, and it was so overwhelmingly _Takashi_ of him, to ask his ex-fiance to see him going off to the last place he wanted him to go. He turned down the invite perhaps a bit too coldly, and his parting words coil in his stomach, sickeningly. 

It’s in the past now.

Grading papers has always been somewhat soothing to Adam. It holds a steady rhythm that Adam appreciates, because he can channel his energy into focusing on crossing off and circling problems with his red.

Adam closes his eyes.

If he tries hard enough, he can imagine Takashi’s heavy weight pressed up against him. He’d make some sideways remark, complaining about one of his students as he grades his own tests, and Adam would lean over to press a kiss on his forehead and chastise him for being distracting.

Adam opens his eyes, and forces himself to forget.

* * *

_Forgetting_ proves to be a harder task than Adam thought.

“Idiot,” he murmurs to himself, when he finds a stray sticky note in Takashi’s messy handwriting. _Going out to buy eggs_ , it says, complete with a loopy little heart. “You didn’t even notice this fell off the fridge, huh?”

He should toss away this little scrap of paper, but after all these months, he’s still weak for Takashi, so he sets it down on the counter instead. He’ll throw it away later, he promises himself, because _Takashi Shirogane_ should be nothing more than a name.

(He ends up canceling the date he had scheduled, for completely unrelated reasons. He doesn’t try to contact the number again).

Nights prove to be the worst. His bed is too big and the apartment is too empty. He can’t remember the floorboards creaking like this before. He hates it, how just the absence of Takashi can affect him like that. He wonders if he’s ever even passed Takashi’s mind up in space.

 _Probably not_ , he decides, so he forces it out of his mind.

He’s just on the cusp of sleep when his phone rings. Adam jolts himself up and blearily fumbles around for his phone. Squinting at the bright blue light, he sees it’s straight from the Garrison. He suppresses a groan. Sometimes…he really, really, _really_ hates his job.

Still blinking sleep from his eyes, he answers the call. “What on earth do you need?” he asks tiredly. “It’s 1 am, for god’s sake.”

“Adam.” Adam blinks at the voice. It’s Elise, one of the teachers he and Takashi worked with. “Adam, oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“What’s going on?” he asks urgently, any trace of sleep gone from his voice. “Are the students ok? Did something go wrong?”

“I knew you wouldn’t want to hear from the news,” she says, and her breathing’s ragged. “But the Kerberos mission--”

His grip tightens on the phone. “The Kerberos mission?” The words fall out of his mouth, quick and hurried. “What about it?”

“It went missing. The crew is presumed dead and the Garrison is--”

The phone drops to the ground and clatters there loudly. In the distance, his name is being called, but he can’t hear any of it because his ears are ringing and there’s a distant drum in his skull. He brings shaking hands to his face and he feels something wet and watery fall down his face.

Adam lets out a choked sob and cries for Takashi for the first time.

* * *

Takashi’s funeral comes three months later, and Adam steps out of his apartment from mourning for the first time in what feels like ages. He’s not quite sure who he attends as. Takashi’s fiance? His ex? A friend or colleague? He isn’t sure but maybe the fact that he loves--loved--him says enough.

The funeral is beautiful and horrible at the same time. The casket is pure white and full of emptiness and he can't help but feel hollow too. It's like someone scooped out his heart than threw it back at him, mockingly. He swallows harshly as he watches them lay the casket down in the earth, farther and farther from where Takashi really is, up in the stars.

At least he died living out his dream. There's some comfort there, but it feels far away.

Later, he locks eyes with Takashi’s mother, and she makes her way towards him. He hasn’t seen her since she visited America long before the Kerberos mission. Her eyes are glassy with tears, and he chokes out, “I tried to save him. I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry--”

“Oh, sweetie,” she says, “It was never your fault.” She was the one who had helped him choose an engagement ring. (It's nothing but a heavy weight in his pocket now). 

“I never said goodbye,” he whispers. “I said such awful things and he left and died thinking that I--”

“He loved you,” Takashi’s mother said, and her words are gentle enough to make him break down again. “He left this planet knowing he loved you and his dream.”

A bitter part of Adam that thinks if Takashi truly loved him, he’d be here and safe.

* * *

There are times in which Adam wishes he didn’t take up a job at the Garrison. It’s far from human contact, out in the middle of the dry desert, and there are no new apartments for Adam to escape to. He remains in the livings he and Takashi shared and it’s quite possibly the worst kind of reminder.

Takashi’s parents insisted he keep majority of Takashi’s belongings, and he didn’t have the heart to refuse. They end up sealed in a box and locked away in the depths of a closet, so Takashi’s ghost isn’t visible from the outside.

His work continues as usual. His students are one of the few things keeping him going. The mask he keeps on hardly slips, and he’s proud of the way he holds himself together, as if he isn’t shattered on the inside.

As he walks down the empty hallways of the student dorms, footsteps echoing loudly, he catches sight of a red jacket stalking away, a bag slung on arm. Adam’s eyes widen at the sight of a familiar mullet and he whips around sharply. 

“Keith,” he calls out. “Where are you going? It’s past curfew.”

Keith huffs out a laugh. “What are you, my dad? Didn’t you stop caring about me when Shiro left?” He yanks open the door and steps out.

Adam follows him outside. The desert is cool and quiet at night. “Just because Takashi isn’t here doesn’t mean I don’t care,” he says sharply. “You’re not supposed to be out here.”

“I got kicked out,” Keith says. “So I’m technically not supposed to be _here_.”

“You got--” Adam's eyebrows shoot up. “You were kicked out? How?”

Keith scowls. “Doesn't matter.” He swings a leg over a motorbike Adam just notices. “I don't need the Garrison anyway. I'll find Shiro on my own.”

“Takashi’s gone, Keith,” Adam says quietly. “We can't find him.”

Keith just gives him a skeptical look. “Pilot error? Do you really believe that?”

Adam bites his lip and doesn't answer because Keith is right. He doesn't believe it. Takashi was one of the best pilots at the Garrison. But there was nothing else _to_ believe, so he accepted it anyway.

“Whatever,” Keith grits. “You can mourn him, but I believe he's coming back.”

“I can't let you go off on your own.”

Keith smiles wryly. “I'm not a kid anymore, Adam. Let me go.”

He ends up watching Keith drive away, lets him slip through his fingertips, because loss is starting to feel numb to him.

* * *

It’s pitch black, nearing midnight, when Adam escapes onto the Garrison roof. He isn’t technically supposed to be here, but that has never stopped him before. 

He and Takashi would sneak up here when they were younger, and Takashi would point out different stars as Adam lolled his head on Takashi’s shoulder, listening to the soft lilt of his voice. Adam sits down carefully in their usual spot together, and he can feel the the memory of their first kiss burn on his mouth.

If Adam was a stronger man, he would’ve forgotten Takashi by now. He’d be living as he always would, going on dates and gracing his students with smiles, and everything Kerberos related would’ve been pushed far out of memory, locked away into the depths of his mind.

Adam, however, is very, very weak, and that’s why he’s here, up on the Garrison’s rooftop with the company of the stars, missing Takashi’s smile and his voice and his eyes and his hard and soft edges and just _him_.

Maybe he’s pathetic, but Adam would prefer the word _heartbroken_.

The stars are bright out here in the desert. He's a city kid, and seeing clear stars never fails to take his breath away. He tilts his head up, and the night sky seems to swallow him up.

“I never paid enough attention to when we were stargazing. Maybe I should've, but you--” Adam huffs out a laugh. “You were always distracting.”

He leans back, fingers curled in. “I get why you chose Kerberos over me,” he whispers. “I know you'd rather die up there with your dream up there than live down here.” He sighs. “But, _fuck_ , Takashi, I miss you.” 

A slight breeze ruffles his hair. It's nice, a prompting to continue. “I said I wouldn't wait for you but I'm still here, waiting and thinking of you and wanting you. Come back to me,” he pleads, and it's all Adam can do. “Make it home, Takashi. Please.”

He reaches a hand up and his eyes searching the night. Maybe if he stares hard enough, he can find Takashi up there.

* * *

Adam feels like he’s spiraling.

The T.V remote is starting to slip from his hand as he stares at the robotic amalgamation being broadcasted on every news channel available. Sam Holt is there, grinning as a reporter interviews him, and Adam feels foolish for labeling him as _crazy_ , because, by god, it turns out aliens _are_ real.

“Voltron is here,” Sam says, and his smile is victorious and his eyes tell the story of a man who’s seen too much. “Voltron is here and they’re coming to save Earth before the Galra takes it over.” He continues to talk about how his own daughter is a paladin, as well as those two other missing Garrison students, and Keith (that last name took a great load of weight off his shoulder, but Adam can’t be surprised that he was off fighting an alien war when everyone thought he’d run away, because who was _Keith_ to run away?)

“Princess Allura of Altea will be coming to tell you all you need to know,” Sam was saying, “as well as the former black paladin, Takashi Shirogane--”

The remote falls to the floor and breaks, and the T.V shuts off.

Adam doesn’t know what the fuck a _Voltron_ is, and he doesn’t care to find out either, because the only words he can hear thudding in his skull is _Takashi Shirogane_ and then: _alive._

Takashi Shirogane is. Alive.

His phone is blowing up with text messages and calls but he doesn’t want to hear any of it now. He takes a shaky step back and his legs hit the back of the couch. He lets himself fall down it, burying his head in his hands.

Takashi is alive. He’s alive and he’s coming back to Earth and all that want and longing that has been building up in his heart threatens to spill out. He lets out a shuddering breath and the tears that pour out are almost freeing

* * *

Voltron lands, and with it comes five paladins, two aliens and a princess, a cow (how the fuck did _that_ get up there?), a strange cat-like hybrid (is that what _Galra_ means?), a space wolf (Adam already has a headache), and exactly four mice. As a professor and pilot, he’s one of the higher ups at the Garrison, but he’s still left mostly in the dark.

He just wants to see Takashi again, and the waiting is painful.

They’re ushered into a room where Voltron and its crew is flocked by family and friends and officials desperate for answers. The alien princess, Allura was it?, gracefully shields questions as reunions are happening around him.

And Takashi...Takashi is there.

He looks so _different_ , with stark white hair and a prosthetic arm. His build is different too and a scar brands itself across the bridge of his nose.

He's breathtaking.

Adam's shaking legs brace himself against the wall and he can't help but stare and stare at Takashi, like a dying man in a desert to an oasis, because he could never have dreamed any of this up.

From across the room, Takashi--beautiful, stunning, _alive_ Takashi-- turns his head slightly and their eyes lock.

The room falls away. Adam feels like he's underwater.

“Takashi,” he breathes and he can see Takashi mouth his name too, wondrously.

That alien princess, Allura, taps Takashi on the arm politely, and he turns for a brief second. And because Adam is a coward and a fool, in that second he runs. 

He ducks out of the room, away from Takashi, and leans against a wall, his head thudding against it. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in.

Takashi is. There. He's alive and well and good and perfect and if Adam didn't know what _gay panic_ meant then. Well. He definitely does now.

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and breathes deeply. It's almost too much to handle.

Maybe...maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he shouldn’t have come--he had told Takashi he wouldn’t be waiting for him and he can’t think of one good reason why Takashi would want to see _his_ face, of all faces. Takashi looks changed, he looks _happy_ , and Adam doesn’t want his own selfishness to shatter this new family Takashi had built up.

Adam pushes himself off the wall and turns to walk down the hall. He’s given up long ago time trying to forget Takashi, but maybe tonight it’s time to start trying again.

The door clatters open and he can hear footsteps run after him. His own feet stall in its place. He doesn’t look, but every fiber of his being knows who it is.

“Adam.” His name sounds so, so, so good in that voice and Adam doesn't want to turn around. “Adam, please.”

Even now, he’s helpless to deny Takashi, and he finds his feet turning him around and his head lifts on its own accord to meet Takashi’s eyes once again.

“Takashi.” It comes out ragged. “I thought you were dead.”

“A lot happened.” Takashi doesn’t tear his eyes away from Adam's. “I--” His voice catches. “I missed you.”

It's such a simple phrase, a phrase Adam has been uttering the moment Takashi left, and yet tears still well up in his eyes because of how achingly _true_ it is. Adam takes an unsteady step forward, his hand coming to shakily rest on Takashi’s cheek. Takashi leans into it.

“You've changed so much,” Adam whispers. “Your hair, your scar, your _arm_ \--” His hand grazes the prosthetic. “God, what did they _do_ to you?”

“Too much to describe,” Takashi says softly. “I went through hell and back.”

Adam’s arms tighten, and suddenly they're pulling Takashi into a hug, holding him closer and tighter and begging the universe to _please, let me keep him once more._

“I'm so sorry,” he chokes out into the crook of Takashi’s neck and he can’t stop the tears as they come. “Those things I said, I--I regret it all, Takashi, I should've tried harder, I should've--”

“It's the past,” Takashi murmurs, and pulls him closer. “I made mistakes too, but what’s done is done, and we can look to the future now.” He pulls back, a little uncertainly. Adam wants to wipe every bit of hesitance away. “I mean, if you still want _us_ \--”

“Takashi,” Adam says lowly, his fingers locking behind his neck. “I couldn't push you away if I tried.”

He drags him into a kiss, and they fit as perfectly together as they did five years ago. It's muscle memory, the way Adam’s fingers thread through Takashi’s hair and how Takashi wraps an arm around Adam's waist, shifting them closer and deepening the kiss.

Takashi kisses like every kiss is a breath of air and Adam kisses like he's drowning and by the time they pull away, their breathing is heavy and ragged, their tears have mixed together.

“Its--” Takashi traces a finger along Adams cheek, just as Adam tries to rememorize the lines of Takashi’s face. “It's so good to be home again.”

Adam pulls Takashi down for another kiss, and it feels like he's come back home too.

* * *

Here they are now:

They’re sitting in a cafe, and their legs are tangling together. Adam’s hands curl around his coffee cup and his engagement ring rests comfortably on his finger. Takashi’s ring finger is empty, for now at least. The Galra had taken that away from him too.

Takashi takes a sip of his coffee, and his eyes brighten at the taste. “In space,” he says slowly, “there was no coffee. _Anywhere_. It was literal torture, Adam.”

Adam laughs a little at that. “God knows how you survived up there,” he says affectionately. “If I remember correctly, you needed at least three cups to get through the day.”

“Trust me,” Takashi says, very seriously, and _wow_ , Adam has missed this so much, “it was very difficult.” He pauses. “Well, technically I _did_ die, so--”

“Please,” Adam says, “let’s not bring that up. I’m still getting over how Keith is half alien.” 

The corners of Takashi’s lip quirk up and he’s looking at Adam with such warmth, it’s overwhelming. “I missed you to the point it hurt,” he says. They’ve been saying that too each other too much over the past few days, but Adam doesn’t think they can stress it enough. “I don’t regret Voltron at all, but…” He sighs. “I missed you so much.”

“These past few years I’ve been barely living,” Adam admits. “I think you took a part of me with you to Kerberos.”

“I’m back now,” Takashi promises. “I’m not leaving again.” He takes his hands off his cup to place on Adams. His hands are a warm weight, and it’s grounding. “I’m home, Adam.”

Adam leans forward and presses a soft kiss on Takashi’s lips. It’s not desperate like their reunion kiss, no, this is steady and sweet and reassuring. Adam pulls back just a little, enough so that they’re still close, foreheads pressed up against each other. Takashi’s grinning full-force now, and Adam could watch him like this forever.

He laces his hands in Takashi’s and smiles back up at him, breath catching just a little. “Welcome back home,” he murmurs, and it’s not a statement, but a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> now lets hold a prayer circle that season 7 gives us the adashi reunion we deserve
> 
> (and talk to me about shiro/adashi on my sideblog[ here](http://shiro-centric.tumblr.com).)
> 
> edit: prayer circle failed, but we can all still dream


End file.
